Thursday, May 21, 2009

Life - To Be More Well-Liked

Ever heard why some people often recount bad experience with sales staff in their shoppings, or why some are poorly served in restaurants?  Or why some people are people-magnets?

Being well-liked is something almost everyone wants, but why are some more well-liked than others?

I normally don't like to attribute issues to Karma, and much prefer to cut into the scientific level, so yes, one can be more well-liked. 

Check the facial expression

Many people have little idea that thoughts are often shown on the face at a very unconscious level.  Unless one is a consummate actor/actress, the opposite party will receive the signal of what one is thinking just by the subtle split second changes at the facial level.

However, there's an equal group of people who often send the "wrong signals" to the outside world.  Meaning, they often give the "opposite signals" to others, giving way to misunderstandings.

If one have the time, it'd be good to spend half an hour in front of a half-body length mirror "acting" out all of your "routine" replies, like "thank you", "Ok", "No" etc etc........Then recall one of your friend whom you think is very well-liked, and observe.

Observe if your expressions look "fake", "angry", "proud", "impatient" etc etc at the negative level compared to your friend.  Not everyone can melt the world like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, but everyone can "learn" to be more pleasant looking.

This mirror exercise would throw up alot of surprises, really.  One will find that that is how people see them, even if they don't mean that way.  All these expressions contribute to quarrels between spouses and parents in the family too.  Nobody like wars but yet, wars are waged with the people they very love.

And often for the wrong reasons.  Few wives will say, "You're sending the wrong signals!" but, "You've something against me!" And their spouse will reply, "For the last time, NO!"

And the quarrels never end.

If the smile isn't big enough, make it bigger.  If the eyes look too sharp, relax the muscles.  If one has a habitual upper tilt at the head, lower it to make one look less proud.  And many more.  Please remember to model after the ones you perceive as well-liked.

Have a fun time trying out in your mirror, have a good laugh.  Things take practice, and time to sink in the "new" expressions, but please trust me, it will change your life.

Check the vocal expressions

Almost no one in this world win people by a pleasant face and an "ugly" voice.  But what does it mean of ugly?

"Ugly" can mean: sharp, loud, speaks too fast, too nasal, too dull etc etc.

Ever wonder why people laugh along to a friend who yells, "YOU BITCH!" and when another did it, no one laughs or some will get offended?  This is what I'm trying to mean, an "ugly" tone.  But that can be help with a little effort.

Plug your ears deep with your finger and speak to yourself, this is where the real voice amplify the best to you.  You'll be able to hear how you really sound like to others and observe.  Observe if you like the tone.  Observe by marking against one of your friends/family you think is well-received.

If you don't like it, tweak all the flawed ones the opposite way like how one tweaks their facial expressions.  Have fun with it, laugh along the practises and see the results come by as time goes.

The more practises one have and consciously put to use, the faster the result will be seen.

Please note that I'm not trying to teach one to be fake, it's not about being fake or not being yourself.

The fact that why some people just get more "bad luck" from others is because of the wrong signals they send out to the world.  No one wants to be ignored, or be rude at constantly, there has to be a reason and one of the most apparent one would be how they present themselves to the world.

Most people are good people, and they deserve good in return, but then it's not.  Why?  These externalities are often overlooked because they themselves, their family and friends are too used to their expressions, so no one brought up this issue. 

Otherwise, some people didn't think it's a big issue, and thought bad luck is because the world is filled with bullies.

No way, not at all!

When I first started out in the salesline as a retail sales person, I've no idea about salesdoing, and I went off borrowing books in the library for a better idea.  One of those books highlighted the importance of sending the "right" signals by facial and vocal expressions.  That different expressions have to be used in different situations too.

One can't afford to look too friendly and benign in a "power-packed" meeting with high-level executives.  I'm not meaning to look fierce but there has to be an air of confidence and the look of a leader among the leaders.

This is not teaching one to be fake but the world is almost entirely run by perceptions.  In a negative way, this is how con-artists work.  But we all can change our world to a better one by positively tweak some of the flaws we've been living with.

How one is perceived by another within the first 3 seconds of introduction or within the peripheral vision is very difficult to change.  The first 3 seconds imprints some foundation impressions for a very long time in another, and not everyone one meets are able to spend time to change their perceptions.

Whether a stranger in an overseas land will help another depends entirely on that first 3 seconds.  Some people just have that "good luck" to get really good stranger help that they even offered to treat another for a meal out of goodwill, but not others.  Why?

Not everyone is born with actor or model looks, then why is the world unfair?

It's not, it's just some misunderstandings in the "supply chain" of one's facial and vocal tone outwards to the world, and all one need to do is just tweak it.  And one can start off by modelling themselves to a friend/family member who is well-received.

Tweaking those factors will not make one become their ideal models because there're many other unique element that make 2 different.  I can never make myself look like Angelina Jolie even if I model her smile, but at least, I know where my flaws and weaknesses lie, and I can adjust.

And for this, everybody can.